Befriending Your Self Critic

Everyone has a self-critic. It is that part of us that is constantly commenting negatively on and condemning what we do; it tells us that we’re not good enough, that we “shouldn’t, oughtn’t or mustn’t” do things with our own authority.

The critical faculty of mind is in itself very useful, but our self-critic is loaded with negative emotions such as self-loathing, shame and contempt, and so the clearness of what might be self reflection is sabotaged by a tirade of put downs.

This results in a closing of our heart and mind, and sentences us to a prison or trance of unworthiness and shame, thwarting our potentials. In vain we repress this voice by force of suppression; Rob Nairn from the Mindfulness Association, backed up by modern neuroscience tells us that “energy follow focus”, meaning that the more we force out this inner voice in fact the more we lay down strong neurological pathways that ironically make it stronger and in reality keep our brains in an anxious state of flight or fight; for this reason it is crucial to find skilful ways of working with it.

Here are 5 stages of working skilfully to befriend your self critic

1. Allow your mind to settle, let your thoughts calm, get in touch with your breath and your breathing just as it is, ground yourself by feeling your feet on the floor and your body in your chair and in the room. Take some time to let your sense open

2. Bring to mind a time when you have felt the presence of your self critic, let the presence of your self critic build up as if it were external to you, see if you can get a felt sense of its size, colour, face, its embodiment and how it expresses itself to you. Just notice this

3. Ask yourself: does my self critic have my best interests at heart, is it helping me to realise my potentials?

4. Now look again at your self critic and ask it three questions: what is driving you, what are you frightened of, and how will you know when your work is over? (don’t expect a quick answer, or even an answer)

5. Now send your self-critic a message of compassionate well-being such as: may you find release, may that which is driving you find peace, may your work be done and may you move on

Repeat these stage wherever the voice of your self critic looms large: your are practising befriending yourself critic, which is really making greater friends with yourself-makes sense!