mindfulness: from a chain reaction to a linked response, or how to stop Hulking out

Seven thirty am. Usually Nathan got out of bed first and made the breakfast tea for himself and his wife. This morning he woke up, listening to his wife downstairs singing and realised he had slept in. He swept back the duvet cover and leapt out of bed, a little disorientated. He began to make the bed and stubbed his toe; swearing audibly he cursed the day and the bed. He could hear his wife downstairs still singing to herself and he thought it’s alright for her, why did she not wake me up? I’m in so much pain, it really hurts, this day has gone pair shaped already. He paused and breathed out, sagging a little. Memories came flooding back like a tsunami of remembering: my folks are right, I can’t even make the bed, I’m never going to amount to much…what’s the point, there’s something wrong with me…he sat slumped by the side of the bed.

Most of us have had the experience of being caught up in a chain reaction of thoughts and thinking; often we find that we’re so caught up in the story that the chain of thoughts and feelings in effect chains our very identity, so that we become the angry one, the sad one. This automaticity of thinking and feeling, often seeking further justification for our attitudes, reinforces the chain until the chain pulls on us, tightly binding our sense of self.

Essentially this is “Hulking out”-the responsive Bruce Banner part of us getting caught up in the amygdala hijack of reptilian or old brain reactivity.

Mindfulness teaches us to pause, to break the chain reaction of thoughts that lead to a self-imposed prison, a chainganged misery of unconscious reactivity, where we become lost in our own reactivity. In this mindful pause we can create space, space to breathe and be, even for just a few precious moments: what’s happening right now? we might ask, it doesn’t have to be this way, we might say, I have a choice. We can start to notice that actually there are many links in the chain, how one thing led to another, how we might be catastrophising and making a drama out of a small event.

When we pick out the links we can reflect on our own contribution, how we might have poured a little petrol on the spark and co-created a fire. Picking out even a small link allows us to respond very differently; we can connect with a self not caught up in the drama of a chain reaction but skilfully leaning in with a linked response, pulling away from the reactivity and leaning into our experience as it is and watching it go.

A simple mindfulness practice is the FAB, or feet anchored breathe practice. This is an in the moment practice to encourage a linked response to what’s happening right now in order to break the chain of reactivity that might otherwise catastrophise our day.

Nathan woke up at seven thirty am, he had slept in. He pulled back the duvet cover and stated to make the bed, stubbing his toe. It hurt like hell. Nathan swore and cursed the day, then he paused, and stood still with his feet on the floor. What’s happening right now? He asked himself. Nathan anchored his feet into the floor. He took a breath in, took a breath out and brought his attention to the feelings in his toe, at the pain, leaning into the moment. As he brought all of his attention to his toe he could feel the toe pulse and the pain slowly fall away. The potential catastrophe of the day dissolved. He made the bed and walked into the shower, a little late, a little sore, but opening out to the day.